took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
