dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
