Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
