we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
