dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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