How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
