I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
