i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
they're like a gay fantastic four
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
