you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
