I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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