Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
look no pants
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize