I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
