it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
