Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
