you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
