Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
