it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
