1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
