My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
