When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
