You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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