I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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