this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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