I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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