sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
