he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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