Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
