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• (440): View more from Ohio

  if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life

  (619): View more from California

  with a huge shlong

  (440): View more from Ohio

  massive. i wanna make bitches cry

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...

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• (075): View more from

  thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.

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• (325): View more from Texas

  We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."

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• (310): View more from California

  note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.

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• (760): View more from California

  I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie

  (510): View more from California

  In my experiences, brownies are better naked.

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