Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
