according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
