i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
