Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
