If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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