Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
