Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
