She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
