i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
