I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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