Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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