She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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