Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
