I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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