if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
