Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
