The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There's always time for handjobs
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
