so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
