i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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