you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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