Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
