Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
