someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
