i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
