No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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