this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
