North Korea, Best Korea!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
