Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
