I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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