No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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