You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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