"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
