she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
