Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
