She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
