Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
