I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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