At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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