Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
