So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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