i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
