dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
