she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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