I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
