Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
