just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
