The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
