Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
