What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
