Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize