When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
