You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
