remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
