Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
