So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
