the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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