Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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